signing*

I had a crush guy in my class since sem 1, but I never said anything about it. I only told a few friends who were close. Yet another girl from class guessed it out by the way I look at him that made me more cautious while I'm around him. The whole of sem 1 I just dithered over not looking at him much but still I couldn't suppress the feelings I have for him.

During semester 2, I got to know him better. But still I tried to keep my distant.

Sem 3, he came to sit beside me during lecture. I was a little dissapointed when I found out that I wasn't in the same group as he is then but having him beside me was more than enough. He doesn't really talk but I still like sitting beside him.

I know that today will be the last day I can sit beside him and the last day I will be in the same class as him. I didn't pursue him was because I can't bare to fall into depression again. I remember my time when I had to go through depression and I vowed to never ever go there ever again!!

My cousin

It was my first day in Singapore and my relatives invited us to their house for dinner. I finish the porridge without any complain because it was delicious!! My mum actually got second helpings, I think I would have if I hadn't felt so sick.

Anyway, I have a cousin brother that is actually 4 years older than me. He has got a pair of younger sisters who were twins. We both attended a photography workshop in July so he knows that I share a passion with him. I was sitting beside the window enjoying the cool air that blew in to the stuffy crowded room when he came over. He had dumped his numerous bags of equipment there. He started playing with his large camera and I watched him as he fiddled with the thing. When he had finished playing with it he surprised me by handing it wordlessly to me. I was very surprised, I took it without saying "thank you" and started playing with it, it was extremely heavy.

I gave up later when I just couldn't get it right and handed it back to him. I knew he was watching me, half worried about his camera and half fascinated at how I handle it. We never really talk that's why I was so surprised when he handed it to me. Later in the night he started taking more pictures and for the second time that night handed the camera to me wordlessly. I was surprised at this again, I complained that it was heavy and he took it back but later handed it to me again after he had removed the weights.

Wow, I beginning to feel that he really takes me as a real sister then are far and rarely talk to cousin. I liked that, I have never really been able to feel what brotherly love is so I appreciate and I am grateful that he treats me like that, but there was a problem that I feel annoyed with myself. I have always been searching for ways to feel what it is like having close siblings now that I have one that actually shares a little blood line with me I just can't bring myself to take him as my brother...

I asked me mum about it of course and I asked that is it because my cousin is not the type of person that I usually hang around with. Or is it because I have imagined my brother to be closer to me rather than just not talking to each other. I really don't know. My mum also noted that strange connection between us when we were at the wedding dinner on the 27th. He taught me how to use the camera even my own camera. Again I just feel the connection but also the disconnection I have been feeling. I know that among all the cousins I was most excited to see him but the feeling is just off...

Exam symptoms!!

ok I was sitting in class reading the text book when it suddenly hit me again like a ram running right into you with full force. I panicked like on Sunday and I certainly got on my mum's nerve that day.

I couldn't breath!! I was practically hyperventilating in my seat!! I skipped lunch and tried to study but I ended up chatting with Nora instead of studying. When I was having dinner with my family I let out my breath and it came out with a sign.

That's confirm!! My exam symptoms are surfacing!!

Day Dreaming

Ok, I know that yesterday when I got back home I should have worked on my movie review but I didn't. I was daydreaming about stories and living in my own fantasy world to pass the few hours before dinner.

I went out to my sister's house just a few streets away from mine to have dinner with the aunt and uncle that was visiting from China. My sister from China didn't come along so I wasn't looking forward to seeing them. My monster of a nephew sat beside me during dinner and I can tell you that I did not enjoy it. Sure I had a kick out of teaching him how to use the chopstick, but speaking as a person suffering from OCD it isn't the most enjoyable experience seeing him spit out whatever that isn't nice to eat onto the table.

After dinner I sat outside on the sofa playing with my phone, Dad sat beside me and the little monster wouldn't stop bugging me. For those who know that I hate people playing with my hair and that I always want my hair to be clean and shiny well imagine how it felt like to have a nasty sweating monster place his sweat on it!! Of course there wasn't any peace in the house yesterday night because I wouldn't stop shouting for him to leave me alone or get off of me (he kept jumping on me).

I was extremely glad that when mum said to go home. But we brought the aunt and uncle to pasar malam first. There I found out that pasar malam may be cheaper than anywhere else it is no competition to China. The pants on sale were 3 for RM10, in China it was 3 for RMB10... So it is obvious that everything in M'sia is more expensive than China...

Jealousy and Envy

So I went to Ipoh a week ago, I know my twin is still marvelling over how my dad took 2 hours and a little bit more to drive up and down. Yap thats all my dad took to fly. Surprisingly I sat and watch the road instead of reading a book like I always to when we drive up to Penang.

Dad went off to his precious horse racing which is only next door to the hotel we were living in and Mum, my aunt and uncle went off to visit relatives. We went to visit my cousin who had inherited his father's gold smith shop at a run down boring shopping complex. After lunch we went to visit another cousin of mine at his house. There I met my nephews and niece, Jared, Justine and Julian. Here is where envy started to surface.

I have always marveled at how those with brothers and sisters that are actually close to their age interact with each other. I never ever get to experience that even though I have a sister and a brother of my own. They are just so much older then I am to even bother playing with me or sharing a certain something with me. They don't give a damn for cars and I am seriously mad about cars.

Well Jared Justine and Julian are so close with each other. I sat on the sofa pretending to listen to my cousin talk about his motivation camps and watch as they played a computer game. The eldest one Jared, who is the same age as I am, was playing, the other two were betting that he wouldn't get past to the next level. I don't even get to do that to either of my siblings...

What was worst was during the dinner. They sat across from me, well Justine and Julian did. I chat with them as if I knew them for a long time. Like old friends meeting each other again. Julian kept throwing random questions at me, questions such as "who's your favourite singer?" and all that.

What really got him interested was when he asked me if I have a million dollars what will I do with the money. I answered the first thing that came to my head which is to donate all of it. He didn't believe what I said, even I don't really believe if I would really do it. He told me that if he has 1 million dollars he would buy a Skyline, he would take out the back seats and replace them with loud speakers, he said he wants to deafen himself when he drove that car. I commented that the backseats are just weight adding neccesity, he agreed to it and also said it would be expensive. He was surprised that I knew so much about cars, I told him that I was a car freak and he high fived me. He also commented that I was his type of girl because you don't easily bump into the girl whose mind is full of cars...

My review

Man!! I have finally started on my movie review on Gladiator, and I'm lucky I did because I found out that I did the wrong opening for my review. I think I have come up with a suitable intro but I haven't write it down. Well I did but it was on a paper napkin from Carl's Jr when Ruby, Nora and I went to celebrate Ruby's birthday a few days ago.

I don't know what to do with it. We are suppose to write only 1 and a half page but my synopsis is already one page long and I've already left out alot of facts... How am I going to fit in all my opinions about the movie. sign* why can't it be a movie like Wild Child or Twilight?? Why does it have to be Gladiator. If I hadn't choose Gladiator it would be Sweeney Todd and V for Vendetta, FYI I don't watch horror movies and V for Vendetta is just too action packed to my liking. Another choice is Titanic. Why would I want to further depress myself by watching soap operas when I'm already depressed enough about homework? And another 1 is a movie that I have never ever heard of, I don't even know the name so how am I to seek out that movie.

Again I went book hunting at MPH, but as I've suspected there isn't stock of the book I want and the other is still in hard-cover form that I can't afford. When we went to Porpular bookstore I wandered off with a horribly sick stomach to the magazine section. I wasn't planning on buying the December issue of F1 Racing magazine and I wasn't dissapointed. Almost every page you can see Lewis Hamilton's ugly face printed across and everyone's, down to the ex-world champs, praise for the "Youngest Ever" driver and the "First ever Black" to have won the world Championship. What are the others?? Rotten fish? I don't see how big a complishment it is since I do live in a country that is multi-racial. I'll bet Mr. Arrogant is liking all the fame. then again he has always enjoyed it or else why would he have a Pussycat for a girlfriend??

I watched the movie Wild Child. I wanted to watch Bolt but it was too xpsv. Only the 3D version was available nothing else. It was interesting. I can only say that the guy playing Freddie's voice is so different that I couldn't recognise it.

Penning off now. I hope that Ruby could send me the proposal format, I have completely no idea how to start it or how to write it for that matter. I was staring at Baby K. yesterday at a blank MS Word screen...

I need help

I want to start doing my book and movie review but I can't start because I don't know how to do it, I so need help right now. Plus I have to start studying because there is only 2 weeks more until mid terms...

Shoot~ the semester just started and I'm already stressing over my assignments and exams?? Gosh this is going to be stressful!! And what's worst is that my Birthday will be in the midst of all this!!!

HELP!!