My cousin

It was my first day in Singapore and my relatives invited us to their house for dinner. I finish the porridge without any complain because it was delicious!! My mum actually got second helpings, I think I would have if I hadn't felt so sick.

Anyway, I have a cousin brother that is actually 4 years older than me. He has got a pair of younger sisters who were twins. We both attended a photography workshop in July so he knows that I share a passion with him. I was sitting beside the window enjoying the cool air that blew in to the stuffy crowded room when he came over. He had dumped his numerous bags of equipment there. He started playing with his large camera and I watched him as he fiddled with the thing. When he had finished playing with it he surprised me by handing it wordlessly to me. I was very surprised, I took it without saying "thank you" and started playing with it, it was extremely heavy.

I gave up later when I just couldn't get it right and handed it back to him. I knew he was watching me, half worried about his camera and half fascinated at how I handle it. We never really talk that's why I was so surprised when he handed it to me. Later in the night he started taking more pictures and for the second time that night handed the camera to me wordlessly. I was surprised at this again, I complained that it was heavy and he took it back but later handed it to me again after he had removed the weights.

Wow, I beginning to feel that he really takes me as a real sister then are far and rarely talk to cousin. I liked that, I have never really been able to feel what brotherly love is so I appreciate and I am grateful that he treats me like that, but there was a problem that I feel annoyed with myself. I have always been searching for ways to feel what it is like having close siblings now that I have one that actually shares a little blood line with me I just can't bring myself to take him as my brother...

I asked me mum about it of course and I asked that is it because my cousin is not the type of person that I usually hang around with. Or is it because I have imagined my brother to be closer to me rather than just not talking to each other. I really don't know. My mum also noted that strange connection between us when we were at the wedding dinner on the 27th. He taught me how to use the camera even my own camera. Again I just feel the connection but also the disconnection I have been feeling. I know that among all the cousins I was most excited to see him but the feeling is just off...